amma

Last time I spoke with her, I hung up on her. Something I never have done before.Well..may be just once. But I had to. I would have exploded otherwise. I didn't care who was around me, I lost it, completely. I wasn't mad, but I was really hurt. So much. Had I been mad, it would have been so much easier to digest later on ,but when you're hurt by someone you trust got your back, it bites. Is there another feeling worse than that? Don't think so. I didn't realize I was being so emotional & crying my eyes out until my kids started to knock on the door. I was still a mess long after I hung up.

I have always been the one to rescue anyone in my family, regardless of how much their actions have hurt me in the past. I was the safety net. I dont know how I eneded up with the thorny title, but I just woke up one day with it like an invisible tat. I have lost count how many times I've acted on that. But somewhere along our family drama, I (my feelings)get overlooked & taken granted. Probably an unconscious action on her side, but rather a doubtful one on my sister's side. I need her to show me she cares & sympathize with my problems,just as much as my sister's hasty decisions have gotten them in the mess they are in right now. I can't be the problem solver all the time. Don't I get a break? I would never be older for her love & compassion too. How can she not get that?