ok..

i woke up restless. i just knew something wasnt right. called home at the crack of dawn, it turns out he needs a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation done asap. he needs to be watched up close. dr's fear he could unconsciously harm someone around him. "they think its me" , my mother explains quietly, the pain & confusion is so intense i could almost feel it through the line. she's helpless at this point, she just wants to hear me say ok, almost like an alibi, i think. i've heard people say that when you run out of options, you get backed into a wall. i think we may just have stepped into one.. as much as i dread, saving him (mentally) is out of my hands..but i can still save her. and i say ok. so the waiting begins, all over again..

grown up baby steps..

things have improved dramatically. we have been looking past the big elephant looming in front of our eyes for way too long. neither of us wanted to go there. but now i think we both have realized just like any other relationship, ours needs investing. be it time or just little random things, but a genuine effort at that.
we are working things out, just one step at a time. grown up baby steps as my bff jokes :) some days we can see things clearly forever and then some days i just want to kick him you know where. all in all, it boils down to .. i can just sit around all day moping and pitying me or i can get right back up and move on and do the best i can. well i don’t know how things will play out in future but all i can do now is to be absorbed in the present. not to dwell in the past. the willingness to try is, love itself, right? well i think so.