floodgates

..flashbacks of random memories just keep flooding back, constantly beckoning with glimpses of the past. it keeps me up all night. for the longest time, i kept shoving them somewhere in my soul not wanting to succumb to any. why would i ? many of them don’t invoke much happiness. somehow they hv now made their way back into my head like an unwanted guest. i carry a lot of guilt around for not being there to help them out now more than ever , physically & emotionally. it’s a feeling i cant describe..just dark & hollow. yet the same time im kind of relieved that im not there to see whats unfolding. seems very selfish. i think in a subtle way or another we (i) interpret what has been endured, through the kind of people we become. well..atleast i know i have.